I remember a short animated film called A Rock In The Road in which travelers would bump into a rock as they were walking down a path. The lesson was of course to go around the rock. And that works with many physical obstacles and barriers. Sometimes one must adapt, adjust or compensate in some way, but much of the time there are ways of getting around some restriction or limitation.
But what if the roadblock is inside of you, in your head. A psychological obstacle may be trickier to sidestep. Perhaps one does need outside help of one sort or another from time to time. This might come in a number of forms, a wise and empathetic friend, a formally trained mental health professional, or maybe someone who is intuitive by nature, someone who may or may not be describe themselves as a psychic or reader of various tools of divination.
Many of us who have at times opened ourselves to such help in the past still have the basic disposition of a do-it-yourselfer. We like and often need to try figuring things out for ourselves, but we can get stuck and remain in that state for long periods of time. The worst case scenarios set in when we really see no hope, no way out. Yet still we remain, basically doing nothing or almost nothing other than performing the most basic and essential of life functions. We tend to do what we have to in order to stay alive, but not much more.
We want out of our situation, and find ourselves feeling more and more lost and hopeless as time goes on.
The short, quick answer to everything is move on, and we know that, but how to actually get into motion and sustain that effort is the key question. Some would say stop thinking so much and just do something, but that is particularly difficult for some of us whose faith in our own abilities have been shattered or at the very least diminished. We don't trust ourselves any longer. And we slip closer to the edge of our own abyss even as we hang on, all the while knowing deep down that letting go and getting back on our path or setting out on some new course are really the only ways out. Some of us might well be able to soar if we tried, but we've forgotten that we ever could. We've become so grounded by the struggles and frustrations of daily life.
We may well feel trapped, and that there really is no way out our around something, but somewhere deep inside we still understand that it doesn't need to be this way. That smoldering ember, can grow into a flicker of hope, and then a flame of genuine strength. It can. And even at our lowest points there may be an ebb and flow, a periodic rising and falling of our emotional tides and strength. Those who understand what is being said here, understand and can see these changes. Old time sailors set out with a rising tide. We can improve out chances of freeing ourselves when we attend to these opportunities. There are subtle ups and downs even when we are at our lowest. Reading these, reading ourselves and understanding that we know ourselves better than anyone else can give us strength. If we make a plan and then execute it, even when there may be some inevitable changes in course or other distractions, we can get moving again.
When the wind has been taken from your sails, it is difficult to remain hopeful indefinitely, but soft gentle breezes do still reappear from time to time, for each of us. These can serve as reminders of something more which is yet to come. Pay attention and begin to get yourself ready for when opportunities do return.
And don't be afraid of accepting help from a fellow traveler. Yes, there are many scavengers who prey upon those they see as vulnerable, but if your thoughts have cleared, and if your have begun to prepare, you will know if they are friend or fo.
Monday, September 30, 2013
Saturday, September 28, 2013
Just when you think you know which way the wind is blowing...
...and you find yourself preparing to deal with it, everything seems to have changed again.
A large part of this art and science of navigation has to do with responding to changes in winds and currents, right?
So what in particular am I talking about. When your girlfriend changes her Face Book relationship status to Single you do take notice, even those of us who have a tendency to be oblivious now and then. To be fair, and accurate in my reporting, I must say that our situation changed some time back, but we both decided that we wanted to continue with a public image of being involved with someone. But when the public notice was served after our most recent misunderstanding, it was a little bit of a shock, especially when she said nothing about taking the action. And really it's not a big deal. In some relationships it would be, but at this point, in ours it not. Still it was a jolt of sorts, unexpected.
We had promised to try talking things out rather than parting company when problems surfaced. This was one of you basic agreements with each other. I suppose that she felt it no longer mattered.
After a week or so later, I changed my status to It's Complicated, but then made it visible only to me.
I will probably change it to Single soon and when I do so, I'll make it public. It's not that I am already looking again
I think we all consciously or unconsciously wait with anticipation in this situation to see how the other is going to react. I'm pretty certain about myself, and I think she may be too. I don't see it as playing games. It's often the last stages of our learning about who this other person really is.
One of the things I've been thinking about with the slow demise of the relationship is how we (as humans in general ) tend to stop learning about each other as time goes on. We cease to find out new and interesting things at some point. I think that this is when things begin to decline.
But the big surprise was when I asked about a trip to see her that was planned, but not yet booked. ( Oh I forgot to mention that this was a long distance romance, sorry. ) She said, "Well, why not. We're still friends." But then a few days later in another conversation she asked about me joining her on two other trips during the Summer. That coupled with some comments with regard to things that had been written by a few different female friends on Face Book lead me to believe that maybe she does still care.
Feeling that nothing matters to the other person does simplify things significantly. Realizing that they may well still have some feelings makes it all a lot more complicated. That's why I am changing my status to Complicated.
I'm not sure that she and I will go traveling together this next Summer, but I am not ruling it out. That will require me to shift gears a bit. I had already made some long term changes, because of what I saw as a lack of a future. I had returned to some earlier thoughts about an early retirement, which would allow me to devote much more time to art and writing. I like and often love my day job, but it gets in the way of my other work, my first loves- all of the arts really. I was sure that I wanted out. I was aching, dying to go, but reluctant to actually burn that bridge. Doing this will require a major downsizing in terms of my basic expenses. It's not that my lifestyle is so extravagant, but California State Teachers Retirement is not quite like winning the California Lottery. Making the needed changes will require time, lots of it.
I would have to get rid of a lot of stuff. I may need the entire Summer to do what I need to do. When I considered moving in with my former girlfriend, sorting through my accumulations of the last several years loomed as a major roadblock, at least in my mind. I am one who needs to look at most of what I am releasing, rather than simply throwing things away. To me the latter is an act of destruction and disrespect, because much of what has been collected are things which belonged to or were created by family members or others of great significance.
This whole shift was initially disturbing, because I had slipped back into some of my old plans. And they were comforting after suddenly feeling unloved, by someone who had earlier displayed an extraordinary amount of affection.
But after a few moments (hours-days) of disequilibrium, things seem to be falling into place. Perhaps I could stay another year or even two (What the hell, I am starting to have fun again!) I can continue learning about all things off the grid, but I'll also investigate things which might be done in a city or smaller community which is not so remote. It doesn't have to be all or nothing. And if I stay on task and consider lightening my load, getting rid of stuff as another part of my work, part of sustainability then I might actually not end up as a prisoner of my possession.
Hmmmmmmm. Well, We'll see what actually happens. More later :-)
A large part of this art and science of navigation has to do with responding to changes in winds and currents, right?
So what in particular am I talking about. When your girlfriend changes her Face Book relationship status to Single you do take notice, even those of us who have a tendency to be oblivious now and then. To be fair, and accurate in my reporting, I must say that our situation changed some time back, but we both decided that we wanted to continue with a public image of being involved with someone. But when the public notice was served after our most recent misunderstanding, it was a little bit of a shock, especially when she said nothing about taking the action. And really it's not a big deal. In some relationships it would be, but at this point, in ours it not. Still it was a jolt of sorts, unexpected.
We had promised to try talking things out rather than parting company when problems surfaced. This was one of you basic agreements with each other. I suppose that she felt it no longer mattered.
After a week or so later, I changed my status to It's Complicated, but then made it visible only to me.
I will probably change it to Single soon and when I do so, I'll make it public. It's not that I am already looking again
I think we all consciously or unconsciously wait with anticipation in this situation to see how the other is going to react. I'm pretty certain about myself, and I think she may be too. I don't see it as playing games. It's often the last stages of our learning about who this other person really is.
One of the things I've been thinking about with the slow demise of the relationship is how we (as humans in general ) tend to stop learning about each other as time goes on. We cease to find out new and interesting things at some point. I think that this is when things begin to decline.
But the big surprise was when I asked about a trip to see her that was planned, but not yet booked. ( Oh I forgot to mention that this was a long distance romance, sorry. ) She said, "Well, why not. We're still friends." But then a few days later in another conversation she asked about me joining her on two other trips during the Summer. That coupled with some comments with regard to things that had been written by a few different female friends on Face Book lead me to believe that maybe she does still care.
Feeling that nothing matters to the other person does simplify things significantly. Realizing that they may well still have some feelings makes it all a lot more complicated. That's why I am changing my status to Complicated.
I'm not sure that she and I will go traveling together this next Summer, but I am not ruling it out. That will require me to shift gears a bit. I had already made some long term changes, because of what I saw as a lack of a future. I had returned to some earlier thoughts about an early retirement, which would allow me to devote much more time to art and writing. I like and often love my day job, but it gets in the way of my other work, my first loves- all of the arts really. I was sure that I wanted out. I was aching, dying to go, but reluctant to actually burn that bridge. Doing this will require a major downsizing in terms of my basic expenses. It's not that my lifestyle is so extravagant, but California State Teachers Retirement is not quite like winning the California Lottery. Making the needed changes will require time, lots of it.
I would have to get rid of a lot of stuff. I may need the entire Summer to do what I need to do. When I considered moving in with my former girlfriend, sorting through my accumulations of the last several years loomed as a major roadblock, at least in my mind. I am one who needs to look at most of what I am releasing, rather than simply throwing things away. To me the latter is an act of destruction and disrespect, because much of what has been collected are things which belonged to or were created by family members or others of great significance.
This whole shift was initially disturbing, because I had slipped back into some of my old plans. And they were comforting after suddenly feeling unloved, by someone who had earlier displayed an extraordinary amount of affection.
But after a few moments (hours-days) of disequilibrium, things seem to be falling into place. Perhaps I could stay another year or even two (What the hell, I am starting to have fun again!) I can continue learning about all things off the grid, but I'll also investigate things which might be done in a city or smaller community which is not so remote. It doesn't have to be all or nothing. And if I stay on task and consider lightening my load, getting rid of stuff as another part of my work, part of sustainability then I might actually not end up as a prisoner of my possession.
Hmmmmmmm. Well, We'll see what actually happens. More later :-)
Wednesday, July 17, 2013
The Opening and Closing of Doors
Life can easily begin to feel like one thing is getting in the way of another,
That needing to take care of something or someone prevents you from doing something else which may be really important to you.
Or it can seem like a never ending series of doors opening to you just when and where you need them to open. You will be able to see this if you are not overly focused upon any door which may be closed or closes as you approach. Both the opening and closing are part of life, it is much like seasons and tides. Rising and falling, opening and closing are necessary parts of larger, longer cycles. One can not really continue or come into being again if what seems like its opposite does not also have center stage for a time. Dealing with both is part of our learning.
If you focus primarily upon what you are unable to do (because of something or someone ) you are likely to become negative and resentful.
On the other hand, if you are able to take those inevitable closed doors in stride, move on and keep looking ahead rather than back, then you are far more likely to notice the many other opportunities which continue to come your way, if your own doors to the outside world are open rather than shut.
How individuals see things is often described in terms of being half full or half empty. It's our self assessment as to whether we are positive or negative. What's operating inside of each of us is a response system.
As a species we are set up to notice targets of opportunity. It is a survival mechanism. If we lived in the wild, we'd still be keenly aware of all potential food sources or places of possible shelter, but in the absence of such pressure, we sometimes slip into states of feeling sorry for ourselves. We are capable of seeing a closed door as a personal disappointment, a great defeat which can derail our personal progress. How we perceive any given door whether open or closed has a great deal to do our prospects for the future. If we tend to dwell upon doors which are closed we may assume that an open one will soon close and that there's no point in even moving in that direction. But if we are open, if we are actively looking for open doors, for opportunities, then we will see so many possibilities, perhaps more than we will ever be able to follow up on. But that is a problem of overabundance, which in not a bad kind of problem to have.
:-)
That needing to take care of something or someone prevents you from doing something else which may be really important to you.
Or it can seem like a never ending series of doors opening to you just when and where you need them to open. You will be able to see this if you are not overly focused upon any door which may be closed or closes as you approach. Both the opening and closing are part of life, it is much like seasons and tides. Rising and falling, opening and closing are necessary parts of larger, longer cycles. One can not really continue or come into being again if what seems like its opposite does not also have center stage for a time. Dealing with both is part of our learning.
If you focus primarily upon what you are unable to do (because of something or someone ) you are likely to become negative and resentful.
On the other hand, if you are able to take those inevitable closed doors in stride, move on and keep looking ahead rather than back, then you are far more likely to notice the many other opportunities which continue to come your way, if your own doors to the outside world are open rather than shut.
How individuals see things is often described in terms of being half full or half empty. It's our self assessment as to whether we are positive or negative. What's operating inside of each of us is a response system.
As a species we are set up to notice targets of opportunity. It is a survival mechanism. If we lived in the wild, we'd still be keenly aware of all potential food sources or places of possible shelter, but in the absence of such pressure, we sometimes slip into states of feeling sorry for ourselves. We are capable of seeing a closed door as a personal disappointment, a great defeat which can derail our personal progress. How we perceive any given door whether open or closed has a great deal to do our prospects for the future. If we tend to dwell upon doors which are closed we may assume that an open one will soon close and that there's no point in even moving in that direction. But if we are open, if we are actively looking for open doors, for opportunities, then we will see so many possibilities, perhaps more than we will ever be able to follow up on. But that is a problem of overabundance, which in not a bad kind of problem to have.
:-)
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